You pursue me relentlessly
Impossible to escape from Your grasp
Every encounter pulses into my heart
Only in response shall my soul feel peace
Inside me dreams stir, hope rises
Victory is attainable
It becomes my reality
A wrong turn, unfathomable
You are my map
Destination is clear
Let's begin this drive
I've fallen asleep before
You whisper me awake
Rest is much easier
Relentless, you pull me through
My soul divides
Options are open
I want to know them all....
In the end.......
I chose you
-Jaymo
seriously, I don't write poetry.... I think something is being unleashed inside of me
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
First poem/psalm ever
How you've shaken me
In the middle of my inadequacy
Greater magnified next to your sufficiency
Mold me, Make me, Shake me
My sin precedes me, Your Hands receive me
This heart aches for a taste of Your Supremacy
There is too much distance
I'll never finish the journey
The cause is too worthy
My legs will become too weary
Your wisdom baffles me
Though, it is all I trust
I can't fall away
Mold me, Make me, Shake me
My sin precedes me, Your hands receive me
This heart aches for a taste of Your Supremacy
Carry me, Change me, Break me
Unleash in me a spirit
Brand it in my heart
Let it burn intensely
May my heart be forever yours
The task is heavy on my mind
Ease it with Your peace
I toss and turn with passion
But I have nowhere to go
All I know is You
Mold me, Make me, Shake me
-Jaymo
I have never written poetry in any sort of fashion before. I've tried many times before, and I've never quite understood it. I don't plan on writing anything ever again. I was having a conversation with Abba and I became restless. We were discussing my sin and compromise in comparison to the call on my life, my heart became repentant as well as it fueled a fire to be a better man of Faith. The restlessness of my heart resulted in this psalm/poem. He is my inspiration for any creation, this poem I shall admit is not good, but it reflected the status of my heart in which now I can rest peacefully.
btw
I will be updating soon.....
stayed tuned
In the middle of my inadequacy
Greater magnified next to your sufficiency
Mold me, Make me, Shake me
My sin precedes me, Your Hands receive me
This heart aches for a taste of Your Supremacy
There is too much distance
I'll never finish the journey
The cause is too worthy
My legs will become too weary
Your wisdom baffles me
Though, it is all I trust
I can't fall away
Mold me, Make me, Shake me
My sin precedes me, Your hands receive me
This heart aches for a taste of Your Supremacy
Carry me, Change me, Break me
Unleash in me a spirit
Brand it in my heart
Let it burn intensely
May my heart be forever yours
The task is heavy on my mind
Ease it with Your peace
I toss and turn with passion
But I have nowhere to go
All I know is You
Mold me, Make me, Shake me
-Jaymo
I have never written poetry in any sort of fashion before. I've tried many times before, and I've never quite understood it. I don't plan on writing anything ever again. I was having a conversation with Abba and I became restless. We were discussing my sin and compromise in comparison to the call on my life, my heart became repentant as well as it fueled a fire to be a better man of Faith. The restlessness of my heart resulted in this psalm/poem. He is my inspiration for any creation, this poem I shall admit is not good, but it reflected the status of my heart in which now I can rest peacefully.
btw
I will be updating soon.....
stayed tuned
Friday, July 17, 2009
Grow
I never believed in the Easter Bunny.
Seriously, think about it, who possibly could believe in such a large rabbit carrying eggs around and randomly laying eggs at peoples houses (Rabbits don't lay eggs dangit!).
Instead I chose to place my faith in a much more plausible idea. As a young lad I had no doubt that an elderly overweight man would arrive once a year via chimney. It didn't matter to me that I had not seen so much as a squirrel squeeze down the hole in my roof, I just knew Santa could do it. Not only would he visit my house but he would make that venture to the homes of 6.75 billion people all in that same night.
My belief was that Mr. Claus would come in the midst of night while everyone was asleep carrying a enormously large bag that had no limitations in how much it could carry. Rather than placing items into the bag he would actually take out gifts which were marked with names in which they were to be delivered.
This was my conviction for at least the first six to eight years of my life.
Little did I know my world was about to be
shaken.
I really don't know why I still have this memory, maybe it is more trauma inducing memory than I give it credit for. It all started in elementary school, 2nd grade recess just before Christmas break. I was having a conversation with a dastardly classmate about the presents I was expecting to receive from jolly old St. Nick. At that moment the rotten nincompoop classmate blurts out
"You still believe in Santa Claus? I've seen my parents wrap my gifts for me. "
My immediate reaction was shock and disbelief........
There HAD to be an explanation....
.............
.........(thinking)
...............................................
Got it!
Obviously this poor poor child was a bad bad child and all Santa left was a lump of coal which his parents found and in order to cover it up, they played Santa!..
This explanation was satisfactory enough to reestablish the equilibrium of my world at least, momentarily.
As Christmas arrived, I had to know for sure. In the short existence of my life, all I had ever known was a world with a Jolly fat man dressed in red. There was no possible way I was wrong.
I mean Christmas worked like clockwork.
I sleep Christmas eve, wake up Christmas morning to find my treats that traveled from the north. There had only been one explanation, and that was Santa.
But now I had two explanations, what if, what if I was WRONG?. I needed to know the truth no matter it would cost me. I pretended to go to bed on Christmas Eve night, taking the chance that Santa simply wouldn't come because I was wide awake. If I didn't get anything at least I knew he didn't come because I prevented him from coming by staying awake. Knowing the truth more valuable than the years worth of gifts. I stayed awake
and to my horror
I didn't hear Santa, I didn't hear sleigh bells. I started to remember how in previous years I had baked cookies and cooked carrots for Santa and his reindeer. I even wrote Santa a note!
What I heard were my parents, my entire world had just collapsed. I didn't come out that night to see them wrapping the gifts, hearing it was torture enough. I now knew the truth.
-------------
I've found in my life the best way to grow is to learn how really wrong you are. If there is one main culprit who notoriously known for making mistakes, it is me. Perpetrating the mistakes is not enough, at the moments I commit these crimes I believe that I'm 153.5%(I'm actually sure that this is the correct percentage to use here) sure that what I am doing is the best way to do it.
Truth does something funny though. For some reason I HAVE to know the truth. The value of truth no matter the cost is worth it.
I.e. Remember The Matrix? (Sorry if facts are wrong, I suck at movie remembering but again I'm pretty positive I'm correct) We are presented with Neo, living in a seemingly normal life in modern day America is on the search for truth. He is presented to Morpheus. In this encounter Morpheus presents Neo a magical red pill that would help him find his answers on his venture to truth.
Neo is presented a choice to pursue truth.
What even drives Neo to take that pill? How can He even trust that that pill wouldn't present certain death? What if the truth isn't really what he wants to know? That is what truth does, it causes people go to enormous lengths to find it.
When watching this movie, we are all rooting for Neo to take the pill, fully knowing he is being lied to about his life. It doesn't matter it is probably safer for Neo to stay in his everyday life being lied to.
Neo must respond somehow to the truth.
Neo can no longer live in his fabricated world, no matter how much more it offers than the unfortunate reality of the Matrix. This fabricated world represents safety, ignorant bliss, a world in which is already known. Truth has caused Neo to wrestle, it has caused him to grow, and ultimately pursuing truth has caused him to find things in himself that he did not know possible. Neo would have never known he was the One without ever pursuing truth, he would have never known that he could do all those nifty tricks inside the matrix if the truth was never pursued.
To grow many times we must search out the truth, no matter how much it may hurt us. Not all of us are up to that task (only a select few who were willing knew the truth of the matrix), but to those who are, you will find things about yourself that you never deemed possible.
grow
-jaymo (A work in progress)
Seriously, think about it, who possibly could believe in such a large rabbit carrying eggs around and randomly laying eggs at peoples houses (Rabbits don't lay eggs dangit!).
Instead I chose to place my faith in a much more plausible idea. As a young lad I had no doubt that an elderly overweight man would arrive once a year via chimney. It didn't matter to me that I had not seen so much as a squirrel squeeze down the hole in my roof, I just knew Santa could do it. Not only would he visit my house but he would make that venture to the homes of 6.75 billion people all in that same night.
My belief was that Mr. Claus would come in the midst of night while everyone was asleep carrying a enormously large bag that had no limitations in how much it could carry. Rather than placing items into the bag he would actually take out gifts which were marked with names in which they were to be delivered.
This was my conviction for at least the first six to eight years of my life.
Little did I know my world was about to be
shaken.
I really don't know why I still have this memory, maybe it is more trauma inducing memory than I give it credit for. It all started in elementary school, 2nd grade recess just before Christmas break. I was having a conversation with a dastardly classmate about the presents I was expecting to receive from jolly old St. Nick. At that moment the rotten nincompoop classmate blurts out
"You still believe in Santa Claus? I've seen my parents wrap my gifts for me. "
My immediate reaction was shock and disbelief........
There HAD to be an explanation....
.............
.........(thinking)
...............................................
Got it!
Obviously this poor poor child was a bad bad child and all Santa left was a lump of coal which his parents found and in order to cover it up, they played Santa!..
This explanation was satisfactory enough to reestablish the equilibrium of my world at least, momentarily.
As Christmas arrived, I had to know for sure. In the short existence of my life, all I had ever known was a world with a Jolly fat man dressed in red. There was no possible way I was wrong.
I mean Christmas worked like clockwork.
I sleep Christmas eve, wake up Christmas morning to find my treats that traveled from the north. There had only been one explanation, and that was Santa.
But now I had two explanations, what if, what if I was WRONG?. I needed to know the truth no matter it would cost me. I pretended to go to bed on Christmas Eve night, taking the chance that Santa simply wouldn't come because I was wide awake. If I didn't get anything at least I knew he didn't come because I prevented him from coming by staying awake. Knowing the truth more valuable than the years worth of gifts. I stayed awake
and to my horror
I didn't hear Santa, I didn't hear sleigh bells. I started to remember how in previous years I had baked cookies and cooked carrots for Santa and his reindeer. I even wrote Santa a note!
What I heard were my parents, my entire world had just collapsed. I didn't come out that night to see them wrapping the gifts, hearing it was torture enough. I now knew the truth.
-------------
I've found in my life the best way to grow is to learn how really wrong you are. If there is one main culprit who notoriously known for making mistakes, it is me. Perpetrating the mistakes is not enough, at the moments I commit these crimes I believe that I'm 153.5%(I'm actually sure that this is the correct percentage to use here) sure that what I am doing is the best way to do it.
Truth does something funny though. For some reason I HAVE to know the truth. The value of truth no matter the cost is worth it.
I.e. Remember The Matrix? (Sorry if facts are wrong, I suck at movie remembering but again I'm pretty positive I'm correct) We are presented with Neo, living in a seemingly normal life in modern day America is on the search for truth. He is presented to Morpheus. In this encounter Morpheus presents Neo a magical red pill that would help him find his answers on his venture to truth.
Neo is presented a choice to pursue truth.
What even drives Neo to take that pill? How can He even trust that that pill wouldn't present certain death? What if the truth isn't really what he wants to know? That is what truth does, it causes people go to enormous lengths to find it.
When watching this movie, we are all rooting for Neo to take the pill, fully knowing he is being lied to about his life. It doesn't matter it is probably safer for Neo to stay in his everyday life being lied to.
Neo must respond somehow to the truth.
Neo can no longer live in his fabricated world, no matter how much more it offers than the unfortunate reality of the Matrix. This fabricated world represents safety, ignorant bliss, a world in which is already known. Truth has caused Neo to wrestle, it has caused him to grow, and ultimately pursuing truth has caused him to find things in himself that he did not know possible. Neo would have never known he was the One without ever pursuing truth, he would have never known that he could do all those nifty tricks inside the matrix if the truth was never pursued.
To grow many times we must search out the truth, no matter how much it may hurt us. Not all of us are up to that task (only a select few who were willing knew the truth of the matrix), but to those who are, you will find things about yourself that you never deemed possible.
grow
-jaymo (A work in progress)
Friday, July 10, 2009
A new day for a new blog (Connect)
What is up my friends and family?
I've noticed a few of my fantastic youth kids from church having been blogging about the daily musings of their lives. After reading a few entries I figured I might try to make a comeback to the world of aimless writing. The previous attempts were efforts that I whole heartedly believed would continue to this day. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that I never put forth the effort that was required to have a successful online journal.
That brings me here...
A fresh start
To hopefully capture YOU
Perhaps provoke and challenge your thoughts
Maybe tickle your mind
Engage you in an ongoing conversation
But in the end this blog is really for me.......
It is necessary for me to know that I am significant with the possibility that one of my few readers will care. In fact my hope is many of you will care and take a vested interest in the workings of my heart. My current belief is that this blog will not fade, but as history has shown, complacency will take its course ultimately ending this short lived journey.... Unless the lessons learned from previous missteps transform into a blog worth updating. Simply put, I want to prioritize this blog as a means of expression, insight to my life, and hopefully improve my writing skills so that I can be an effective communicator in all things.
The goal of this blog is paint a picture of emotion expressed words. Where aesthetically there may be no reward but the eyes of my heart will be fully entranced in a deeply satisfying way. In the place where I am true to myself without the worry of judgment.
Let me remind myself again, this blog ultimately is for me.
(1st Post) CONNECT
I don't really have friends, but what I really do have is family. In 24 years of attempting to understand and learn my place in this planet, one of the truths of my life is that my church isn't just church. In fact, this "church" is THE social network of people that I've grown up with that I can easily call brothers and sisters. These people have seen me grow from just a lil' guy to an abnormal giant of a man. I've quite honestly been surrounded by support, of people who love me and are praying for me to succeed.
But What If
that isn't
enough......
What if the fact that you are surrounded by people who absolutely are pulling for you, that are consistently there to show their appreciation for you, men and women who are showering you with compliments is not sufficient for you? What happens, even in the face of these truths, you still feel absolutely
alone.
Can anyone even hear me? Is anyone listening? There is this part of my heart which I believe is common to the condition of the human spirit which is hiding waiting to break out. It's this part of my soul that wants desperately to do something but nowhere to go.
It yearns to connect, to be understood, to be heard, to be............. somebody.
Outwardly there is nothing ever wrong. They can't see my hurt, they can't see my pain.
Deep down in the caverns, tunnels, of my soul ------>I ache... I long.. I don't even know what I need, but I know I need someone to hear the groans of this pain.
And I don't
Believe
I'm alone.
Our souls need to connect at a deeper level, because we know, NO ONE really knows us. At the deepest level we fear loneliness, abandonment. We are always trying to find our place in a crowd. We assimilate enough to a standard and we will not dare to stand out for fearing to be an outcast, but even with our chameleon efforts we still hope to be noticed.
The problem is, many of our relationships remain at the surface level. Our daily lives are consumed with daily, almost scripted conversations. While we remain and enjoy each others company we fail to even understand how each of us tick. That our friends are not just not objects to fill in the voids of our interests, but they also each experience emotions, subconsciously hoping that the agitation of their souls somehow will be soothed.
It is at this point where my heart is at its utmost vulnerability, I am able to be crushed or given life, the choice is in your hands. But this is the place where I must connect. It is a daunting task but not impossible to reach. Who is willing to find the treasures of this deep? Is anyone willing, the map has been laid out. Risk involved, adventure taken, thrills to ensue
And even if you don't come
As lonely as I feel,
Sometimes I forget someone is already there.
Waiting and longing
for me
to
connect.
If you see me, find me there.
I can't do it any longer, the answers have slipped through my grasp.
Can you come right there?
Connect
-Jaymo
(confessions of a pastor, friend, brother)
I've noticed a few of my fantastic youth kids from church having been blogging about the daily musings of their lives. After reading a few entries I figured I might try to make a comeback to the world of aimless writing. The previous attempts were efforts that I whole heartedly believed would continue to this day. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that I never put forth the effort that was required to have a successful online journal.
That brings me here...
A fresh start
To hopefully capture YOU
Perhaps provoke and challenge your thoughts
Maybe tickle your mind
Engage you in an ongoing conversation
But in the end this blog is really for me.......
It is necessary for me to know that I am significant with the possibility that one of my few readers will care. In fact my hope is many of you will care and take a vested interest in the workings of my heart. My current belief is that this blog will not fade, but as history has shown, complacency will take its course ultimately ending this short lived journey.... Unless the lessons learned from previous missteps transform into a blog worth updating. Simply put, I want to prioritize this blog as a means of expression, insight to my life, and hopefully improve my writing skills so that I can be an effective communicator in all things.
The goal of this blog is paint a picture of emotion expressed words. Where aesthetically there may be no reward but the eyes of my heart will be fully entranced in a deeply satisfying way. In the place where I am true to myself without the worry of judgment.
Let me remind myself again, this blog ultimately is for me.
(1st Post) CONNECT
I don't really have friends, but what I really do have is family. In 24 years of attempting to understand and learn my place in this planet, one of the truths of my life is that my church isn't just church. In fact, this "church" is THE social network of people that I've grown up with that I can easily call brothers and sisters. These people have seen me grow from just a lil' guy to an abnormal giant of a man. I've quite honestly been surrounded by support, of people who love me and are praying for me to succeed.
But What If
that isn't
enough......
What if the fact that you are surrounded by people who absolutely are pulling for you, that are consistently there to show their appreciation for you, men and women who are showering you with compliments is not sufficient for you? What happens, even in the face of these truths, you still feel absolutely
alone.
Can anyone even hear me? Is anyone listening? There is this part of my heart which I believe is common to the condition of the human spirit which is hiding waiting to break out. It's this part of my soul that wants desperately to do something but nowhere to go.
It yearns to connect, to be understood, to be heard, to be............. somebody.
Outwardly there is nothing ever wrong. They can't see my hurt, they can't see my pain.
Deep down in the caverns, tunnels, of my soul ------>I ache... I long.. I don't even know what I need, but I know I need someone to hear the groans of this pain.
And I don't
Believe
I'm alone.
Our souls need to connect at a deeper level, because we know, NO ONE really knows us. At the deepest level we fear loneliness, abandonment. We are always trying to find our place in a crowd. We assimilate enough to a standard and we will not dare to stand out for fearing to be an outcast, but even with our chameleon efforts we still hope to be noticed.
The problem is, many of our relationships remain at the surface level. Our daily lives are consumed with daily, almost scripted conversations. While we remain and enjoy each others company we fail to even understand how each of us tick. That our friends are not just not objects to fill in the voids of our interests, but they also each experience emotions, subconsciously hoping that the agitation of their souls somehow will be soothed.
It is at this point where my heart is at its utmost vulnerability, I am able to be crushed or given life, the choice is in your hands. But this is the place where I must connect. It is a daunting task but not impossible to reach. Who is willing to find the treasures of this deep? Is anyone willing, the map has been laid out. Risk involved, adventure taken, thrills to ensue
And even if you don't come
As lonely as I feel,
Sometimes I forget someone is already there.
Waiting and longing
for me
to
connect.
If you see me, find me there.
I can't do it any longer, the answers have slipped through my grasp.
Can you come right there?
Connect
-Jaymo
(confessions of a pastor, friend, brother)
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